Box Full Of Jesseness
by innerdisintegrationn
Summary: short oneshots of Jesse's POV. Scenes from the Mediator book.
1. Graveyard Scene Haunted

A/N: Just a oneshot of the scene in haunted. Jesse's POV on the last chapter (the graveyard scene).

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mediator.

I materialized at my own headstone, staring at the words engraved in them. Susannah. She went through so much trouble for me. I do not deserve her. I had not right to kiss her; she deserved someone better than me. Anyone would be better than me. After all, a living, breathing person would definitely be better than someone with no life, someone dead. I was lost in my own thoughts when I heard her footsteps down the pathway. I saw her approaching me, and she slipped her fingers through mine on the headstone.

"I'm sorry," I needed to apologize, I was too forward with her "for everything." I kept my gaze on the headstone, too ashamed of my actions to look at her in the eye. She shrugged, "I understand I guess." She understood? Understood what? " I mean, you can't help it if you don't… well, don't feel the same way about me as I do about you." What did she just say? Did she just say… she loved me? Did she think that I did not return her feelings? Did she think I wanted to leave her alone? Nombre de Dios, if I could, I would want to spend my whole life with her. " Is that what you think?" I asked her, "That I wanted to leave?" She looked shocked once she heard this "Didn't you?" Why would I want to leave?

"How could I stay?" Yes, how could I? "After what happened between us, Susannah, how could I stay?" I should never have kissed her. I should never have… fallen in love with her. I should have left when I had the chance, when she asked me if I wanted to go back to… that place. I should have said yes. Then, this would never have happened. She had not idea was I trying to tell her. "What happened between us?" She wanted to know "What do you mean?" She sounded like she genuinely did not know what was happening.

"That kiss." That kiss. I let go of her hand, and she lost her balance for a while. That kiss. I should never have done what I did. What kind of gentleman was I? I should never have gotten so forward with her. What if… it led to… led to… that? I should never have kissed her. I loved her, but she could never be with someone like me. Someone without breath, someone dead.

"How could I stay? Father Dominic was right. You need to be with someone your family and friends can actually see. You need to be with someone who can grow old with you. You need to be with someone alive." That last word pained me. I was dead. None of her friends and family could ever see me. She and I could never be together. I was lost in my own thoughts when she spoke. "Jesse, I don't care about any of that. That kiss… that kiss was the best thing that ever happened to me." When I heard that, I was delirious. She did not care! She just wanted to be with me. My querida was the most generous, giving, loving person that I did not deserve. "Querida…" I whispered as I drew her close to me, I sealed her lips with mine. I love you.

A/N: Is it any good? Just a short oneshot on Jesse's POV. Read and Review please! By the way, that place that Jesse was walking about was the place he got exorcised to in book 4. Perhaps if I get any good reviews, I'll continue to write oneshots on Jesse's POV.


	2. Porch Scene Ninth Key

A/N: alright! Thanks for all the great reviews. Because is that, I'm going to continue writing about scenes from Jesse's POV. (Yay!) Lol. This one's from book 2, ninth key. It's the part where Suze is kissing Tad and Jesse sees them. Personally one of my favourite scenes from the Mediator.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mediator.

I materialized at Susannah's room only to find it empty. I was about to dematerialize when I heard the engine of a very expensive sports car. I looked out of the window and saw Susannah; she was in that very expensive car with a guy. I was annoyed. I knew I didn't have any right to have any negative feelings toward that guy. She was not mine after all. I should have been happy for her. But I just couldn't bring myself to be happy for her. I was only slightly annoyed, but I got seriously pissed when I saw her kissing him. I knew they kissed to say good night. My face darkened when I saw the kiss deepened from a peck on the lips to frenching. They were only supposed to say good night! I didn't know why I did what I did. I dematerialized.

The next moment, I was at the back of that guy's car. It was so tiny. What kind of car was this! It was so impractical. I was watching them kiss with an unpleasant feeling in my stomach when Susannah spotted me. She screamed. The guy asked her what was wrong. "Oh please, don't stop on my account." I told her. I managed to keep my anger under wraps. It came out quite pleasantly. She told the guy she had to go and bolted out of the car. I got out too. She was walking quite quickly, but I caught up with her in no time. Her steps were really small. "It's your own fault." I pointed out to her. It was her fault anyway. If she never had kissed him, I would never have gotten angry, then I would never have sat in his car, and she would never have embarrassed herself in front of that guy. She failed to see that point though. "How is it my fault?" She demanded. Deep breaths, De Silva, deep breaths. "You shouldn't have let him get so forward." I told her, calmly.

"Forward? What are you talking about? Forward? What does that even mean?" She was almost shouting now. Didn't she know what forward meant? "You hardly know him, and you were letting him-" I got cut off by her voice. "Oh no. Don't even go there, Jesse." I had to get my point across. She couldn't let him take advantage of herself, could she? I wasn't about to give up. "Well, you were." I insisted. She then told me what they were doing. "We were just saying good night." She told me, quite angrily too. I had no idea why. I knew what she was doing. I said good night to many girls in my time too. And then, we did not use the organ in our mouths for any pleasurable purposes. It was only a peck on the cheek, or the mouth. I had to tell her that point. " I may have been dead for the part hundred and fifty years, Susannah, but that does not mean I don't know how people say good night. And generally, when people say good night, they keep their tongues to themselves." Great speech, if I may say so myself. I thought I might have convinced her that I was right. But little speech only made her even angrier.

"Oh my God. Oh my God. He did not just say that." Susannah said, in mock disbelieve. "Yes, I did just say that. I know what I saw Susannah." I told her. She looked mad. "You know what you sound like?" She asked me. I did not know. I wanted to ask her when she answered her own question. "You sound like a jealous boyfriend." What? What did she just say? "Nombre de Dios." What was she talking about? Of course I was not jealous… was I? No way! I laughed. "I am not jealous of that-" She cut me off twice that night. "Oh yeah?" She asked. "Then where's all this hostility coming from? Tad never did anything to you." I wasn't being hostile. I was just giving her some advice on what not to do on a first date. I didn't think she appreciated it much though. And why did she have to go out with that guy for? Tad, she called him. "He is a…" (A/N: look, I don't know any Spanish. So just play along alright? Love ya guys.)

She stared at me blankly, and told me to repeat what I said. And so I did. "Look, speak English." She told me. I did not know any translations for that word in English, so I told her that. "Well, keep it to yourself then." She said. Fine, I will. "He's no good for you." I told her instead. And it was true! He wasn't! "You don't even know him." She pointed out to me. "I know enough," I lied. "I know you didn't listened to me or you father when you went off by tonight by yourself to that man's house." That part was true though. She shouldn't have gone off by herself. What if she got into trouble? I shuddered inwardly at the thought of what could have happened. She refused to listen to me. "Right, and I'll admit, I was very, very, creepy. But Tad brought me home. His dad's the one who is a freak, not Tad." She pointed out to me. So? I still did not like that guy. "The problem here is you, Susannah." I had good reason to think so too! "You think you don't need anyone, that you can handle everything on you own." I told her.

" I hate to break it to you Jesse, but I can handle everything on my own. Well, most everything." She said, and then corrected herself. I knew she was thinking of the time when I saved her from that crazy girl who was haunting her school. Would Tad be able to do that? I did not think so. But I didn't say that. She looked angry enough. She looked so cute when she was angry though. "Ah, see? You admit it. Susannah, this one- you need to ask the priest for help." I said to her. "Fine, I will." She said grudgingly. "Fine, you had better." I countered. We were quarreling so much that our faced were just inches apart from each other. I had this insane urge all of a sudden to kiss her. I almost did, when she closed her eyes. I was moving closer to her… when I chickened out. I dematerialized, leaving her alone on the porch.

A/N: So how's it? Good? Read and Review please! Let me know what you think! Thanks!


	3. Hospital Scene Reunion

A/N: Squeee! Thanks for the great reviews! This one's for starrynightdreamer for her absurdly long review! Well, the longest one I ever got anyway. If any of you want to see Jesse's POV in any scene, just review THEN tell me. All I'll be happy to! This'll probably be the last chapter I'm ever going to write until the end of my end-years, which'll probably last until mid-october. Book 3, last chapter, hospital scene here I come! –cracks knuckles-

Disclaimer: I do not own the Mediator.

I don't know why I did what I did. I materialized at Susannah's bed in the hospital. I didn't dare face her after what happened at the Point last night. I had been quite harsh with her. Not that I approved of the way she handled the problem last night. But I felt that I could have done better when talking about her. I saw that she was awake, so I dematerialized before she could see me. Or at least tried to. She caught me though.

"Oh no, you don't. You come back here right now." She sat up facing me. What could I do? I was caught. All I could do was give her the best excuse I could think of at that moment. " I thought you were asleep, so I decided to come back later." That didn't work with Susannah though. She didn't buy it for one second. "Baloney. You saw I was awake, so you decided to come back later when you were sure I was asleep." She looked terribly hurt, only amounting to my already humongous guilt. " What, you're only going to visit me when I'm unconscious now? Is that it?" She questioned me. It wasn't that I didn't want to see her. I just felt… uncomfortable being around her at that very moment. It was like, I was caught with my pants down in front of the whole town. Everything she said only made me feel worse and worse, guiltier and guiltier.

I gave her another lame excuse, which of course she did not buy. "You've been through an ordeal. You're mother –back at the house- I heard her tell everyone they weren't to do anything to upset you."

" Seeing you won't upset me." She countered. I could hear sadness and hurt dripping from her every word. How I wanted to hold her in my arms there and then. I wanted to see her, I wanted to be with her every second of the day. But I just felt so GUILTY. Guilty for treating her badly at the Point. Guilty for not being with the Angels when they were at the Point. Guilty for not being able to help my Querida when she was in trouble. Worse of all, guilty for being angry with her, for trying to save her family. But I only got angry because I did not want to see her hurt, lying in hospital like that.

"Susannah, I-" But she cut me off. She started apologizing for everything, even though most of it wasn't her fault. I tried to tell her, but she still rambled on. She told me why she did it, because of her family. I knew that even though sometimes she acted like she didn't want to be here in Carmel with her new family, deep down in her heart, she really loved them. Even though most of the time, her love is shown very physically, in terms of punches, especially to Brad. I understood that. And I did not fail to tell her. I reached out at touched her cheek. Just to emphasize how much she meant to me, and how much I cared for her. Also for her to know, that I wasn't angry with her in any way at all. "Yes, Querida, I understand." I smiled at her.

"The only reason I got so angry, was because I didn't want to see this happen to you." She looked so badly injured, I just couldn't bear to see her like that. She looked like she didn't care very much though. "I'll be alright. I won't even need plastic surgery, they said." What was plastic surgery? Did they mean putting plastic into your body? Won't you look very… fake then? I was confused for awhile, but didn't ask her.

I stayed by her bed, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and cared for her. I was trying to work up my courage when her friend, Gina, came bursting in through the doors. Another opportunity wasted. I just smiled at her, and dematerialized.

A/N: Whee! I'm done. I don't like it very much though. Not one of my better chapters. Bleah. But if it makes you guys happier to know, I have FINALLY bought twilight! So expect that make out scene next! Read and PLEASE, REVIEW. Love you guys!


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